gretchen says

On November 6, Mainers have the opportunity to be on the right side of history, and vote to recognize gay marriage. We are voting yes, of course, and I hope you do, too (or if you can’t bring yourself to vote yes,  but also don’t think you should vote no — if you are still conflicted — leave it blank and abstain, and this post has a lot of good reasons why.)

6 days before this vote, Dave and I will celebrate our 9th anniversary. We got married on an unseasonably warm fall day, before the new DST happened so the sunset was at like, 4 oclock, in the gazebo at the Lucerne Inn, with 30 of our nearest and dearest there to celebrate with us. Our engagement was short — we decided to get married in September, and set our date for Halloween, so we had about 6 weeks of planning. (Note: getting married on a Friday that is also Halloween is the KEY to lots of wedding bargains. Anyway.)

We were married by a notary that I had worked with for years at Borders. Spiders featured prominently in our decorations, and our cake topper was Gonzo and Camilla. Our families and closest friends were there, but you know who wasn’t? God.

We are not Christians, we identify as agnostic, really, and just try to live a good life in this world and hey, if the Christians are right, then maybe we will CLEP out of whatever they think it is one should do to reach heaven, and if they aren’t right, well GUESS WHAT. We did good while we were here. Ashes to ashes.

So when people hold up my marriage as some holy union simply because Dave is a man and I am a woman, well, HOLD UP. We got married because there are some serious perks to that. Know what the very first thing I did, once we got married, was? Not change my name (I kept it, and we’ve passed it on to the girls, too) but schedule a DENTIST APPOINTMENT. I hadn’t had one in years because I’d been a full time college student, or retail worker, and yeah, it just wasn’t an option. Once we were married, though, I signed on to Dave’s health plan in a hot minute and started scheduling all the appointments I’d never afforded as a student. The next thing we did was save up money to buy a house (this very one I’m sitting in now!) and that happened about 6 months after our wedding. And then when we decided to have children, we just did, and there was no worry about Dave’s rights or who would make decisions in the event of some unthinkable complication with me — he was my husband! Of course it would be him.

And nine years later, here we are. Two beautiful daughters, a cozy home, a minivan, health insurance and joint checking accounts and term life insurance with each other as beneficiaries and all. And the only church we’ve been in in those nine years was for my cousin’s funeral.

So, does our marriage “threaten the institution?” Because it doesn’t have God in it AT ALL (in fact, we actively work to keep God’s nose out of our business) but we are happy and love each other and still crack each other up. I mean, doesn’t (straight) divorce threaten marriage more than gay marriage? (And honestly, one of the reasons I think that marriage should be equal is so that gays can divorce — when a friend’s 20+ year breakup happened, there were a ton more hoops for them to jump through than would have happened in a straight divorce.)

And you know what? I don’t care if God is IN your marriage! That’s awesome! Three way! Knock yourselves out! But don’t force him into mine, or hold mine up as being more legit “because God said so.” Because your God and my marriage have NOTHING to do with each other. And when I go back to our agnostic principles — folks, love one another. I really do not want to be around people who were cruel on earth, even if I get AP credit for my good deeds while I’m here.

Voting Yes on 1 will provide equality for people like, oh, say my best friend Andy, known to the girls as “Uncle Andy,” who has been my friend since we were 6 years old (Ingrid’s age! which blows my mind) or for people like Bev and Sue, whose youngest girls go to daycare with Willa, and their oldest was at Ingrid’s summer camp, and Bev ran the Freaky5k with me last year. (I’d be willing to bet she’s not doing it this year because she is working on campaigning for this issue. Just a hunch.) Or for Suzanne and Sandi, friends of friends (although Suzanne’s blog was the inspiration for me to try running in the early morning and to make this pie (and I did both the same week so they probably cancelled each other out)). Or maybe for my old friend Shawn, who is an out and proud police officer in Aroostook County. For my mentor Marilyn, for Erin & Heidi,  for my friend Pam, for my friend Josh. (And here is where I worry I left someone out, but I want it for you too.) For my own daughters — so that they may grow up in a world where equality is a given, is a right, is not something we are freaking VOTING ON. But we are. Vote Yes. Be on the right side of history.

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So, I drafted this almost 2 weeks ago, and I figured I’d post it for my anniversary, but then I went to pick up Willa’s birth certificate and saw that early voting is happening in Bangor, already, and I decided I needed to post now. Also, while we are generally anti-political signs in our yard because we figure people know who they are going to vote for, and signs just piss off people you might otherwise like — we are getting a sign. This is for a basic human right, not a whole platform of issues (and honestly, we are independents so there’s no complete platform we totally agree with, in general) and Suzanne’s post about yard signs struck me. I wasn’t going to get one anyway, because we are on a tiny street that gets no traffic, and again, we probably won’t change any minds. But if it marks us as a house where people can feel “safe and protected,” as Suzanne wrote, then dammit, I’m putting up a sign.

It’s easier to use the ones that Mainers United for Marriage printed than to DIY one that says “NO BIGOTED ASSHOLES LIVE HERE.”

If you don’t quite get the title, here’s a clip.